While human beings are physically separate, it doesn’ t mean that they may be emotionally or intellectually separate. And as connecting to another human being involves opening up and allowing another person to open up, there are going to be moments where one merges with another.
This is not only normal, is really a vital part of feeling connected to one more human being. This can be the result of a discussed emotional experience, as a well being an intellectual experience.
Yet even if it is an intellectual experience, there are still going to be emotions involved. If this merging didn’ t take place, human beings would feel incredible lonely and cut off from each other.
Loss Of Self
However , while someone can feel at one with another person by means of having a shared experience, it can also be the result of one losing themselves. It is after that something that causes them to lose touch with who they are, and to get caught up in another person’ s lifestyle.
To have a shared experience based on each person mirroring what the additional person is experiencing is going to improve one’ s life. But when one individual is out of touch with who they are, and is going along with the other person, it will be unhealthy.
Of course , there are going to be moments in everyone’ s life where this particular takes place. And yet, when it becomes a way of life, there are going to be problems. You can then end up having no sense of self and becoming action of the other person.
Requirements And Wants
Through becoming enmeshed to someone, one is going to have very little, if any kind of, awareness around what their requirements and wants are. Visually, they may be clearly separate, but mentally plus emotionally, they are one and the exact same.
They may have occasions where they are aware of what their needs and wants are, but that is likely to be as far as it will go; as the other person’ s requirements and wants will take precedence. Each other is then in control of what one particular does or doesn’ t do.
On one side then, this is allowing someone to feel connected to one more human being. But unlike a normal connection, where ones sense of personal would still exist, one sense associated with self has disappeared. And this is also going to mean that one will feel a feeling of power through being enmeshed towards the other person.
Yet at the same time, it is also going to cause someone to feel disempowered. At times, one may obtain what they want through pleasing the other person, but they are also going to have to compromise who they actually are in the process. And this is going to cause them to feel: angry, frustrated and powerless.
So unless one was getting some thing through being enmeshed, they wouldn’ t be in this position to begin with. It doesn’ t mean they are consciously aware of why they enmesh along with others, but the benefit is there however.
If they felt stimulated and were able to stand on their own 2 feet, they wouldn’ t possess the need to enmesh with others. At a deeper level, they are going to believe that they could only survive by pleasing other people.
As this person is an adult, it could be hard to understand why they would have this perception. To look at it from another position, this is the kind of belief that a kid would have. At this age, their success can depend on whether they please their caregivers or not. But as an grownup, ones survival doesn’ t need to depend on them pleasing other people.
And just because someone has grown up physically, it doesn’ t mean they have been able to grow up emotionally. Whenever this is the case, one is going to feel like a child and view other people such as they viewed their caregivers.
Pleasing other people will then end up being something they feel compelled to do. If they don’ t, they are going to feel as though their very existence is certainly under threat.
What this displays is that their emotional development has been stunted. And this is likely to be the result of their needs and wants not being met during their childhood years. Instead, they could have been used to meet their caregiver’ s needs and wants.
Their development is going to be in effect and this is going to have triggered them a lot of pain. And as these were not given the nurturing they needed, it is to be expected that they would become dependent on other people as adults.
If they didn’ capital t do what their caregivers desired, they might have been rejected or departed from. At this age, being abandoned could have been overwhelming and could have triggered them to feel as though they were likely to die.
One didn’ t have a choice in what took place during these many years, but as an adult, they do have a choice. And it is going to be important to allow them to release the emotions that have remained in their body from these early years. They will also need to receive the nurturing they didn’ t get growing up.
This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Realising ones energy won’ t happen overnight, but it will happen over time.
Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all of the aspects of human transformation; love, relationship, self-love, and inner awareness. Along with several hundred in-depth articles featuring human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound help and advice. Current projects include “ The Dialogue With The Heart” and “ Communication Made Easy. ”